The Love and Abuse Podcast

The show about navigating the difficult relationship. From minor arguments to manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive behaviors.
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Is he right about me being the abuser?

This is an answer to a question I received from a woman who is being convinced by her partner that she is the

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AllAngerArgumentsBoundariesbreadcrumbingChildrenCodependencyControlCrazymakingCrueltyDatingdeceptionDivorceEmotional AbuseEnablingFamilyForgivenessGaslightingGift bombingGuiltHealingInfidelityinfluenceIsolationJealousyLove BombinglyingManipulationMinimizingNarcissismPhysical AbusePodcast EpisodeRelationshipsReligious AbuseResentmentself-esteemself-worthShameSocial MediaTrauma bondUncategorizedVulnerability"Navigating Complex Relationships"Abusers' Responsibility EvasionAddiction and Emotional Abuse"alone in the relationshipalways in fearAlways worried about divorceAm I a bad person for being mean to someone who hurt me for yearsAm I an emotional abuser?Am I an emotionally abusive person?Am I being emotionally abusive?Am I being gaslighted?Am I the abusive one?Am I with a manipulative person?An analysis of emotional abuseAngry at Facebook friendsAre they lying about changing?are they lying again?Are they telling the truth?Are you being emotionally abused?Are you blaming yourselfAre you manipulative?Are you too incompatible with your partner?At what point is bad behavior in the relationship too much?away from friends and familybalance yourself in an unbalanced relationshipBefore the breakupblames me for the cheatingblaming yourselfBoundaries and self-worthbreadcrumb texting after a breakupbreadcrumbing is emotional abuseBreaking abusive cyclesBreaking down verbally abusive behaviorCan depression be used to manipulate you?Can I have an emotional affair when I'm in a bad marriage?Can someone fall back in love after emotional abuseCan the emotional abuser change?Can the emotionally abusive relationship heal?Can the relationship survive?Can two people who hurt each other make it workCan you repair the relationship?changed after cheatingChildhood trauma is no excuse for being abusiveCo-parenting with my abuser is destroying mecoming back to the abuserconfusing you into complianceconfusing you into submissionConnecting all the dots of emotionally abusive behaviorconstantly stressed in relationshipcontrolling partnerdating married guyDealing with an alcoholic manipulatorDealing with emotional abuseDealing with the toxic relationshipdealing with their pastDealing with toxic behaviorDealing with unsupportive parentsdeception and lyingDepression as a tactic in emotional abuseDiscovering emotional abuseDo abusive people deserve a second chance?Do emotional abusers leave the relationship?Do you have to forgive the person that hurt you?does love bombing make up for bad behavior?Emotional abuse brings physical painemotional abuse destroys relationshipsEmotional abuse destroys your soulemotional abuse imprintingEmotional abuse in relationshipsEmotional abuse is an infectionEmotional abuse makes you believe terrible things about yourselfEmotional abuse recoveryEmotional Abuse SignsEmotional abuse strips you of your confidenceemotional abuse takes a physical toll on youEmotional abuse turns you into a shell of your former selfEmotional abuser healingEmotional manipulation exposedemotional predatorEmotionally abusive people can healEmotionally disconnected partnerEmpowerment through recognitionEmpowerment through validationEnabling Emotional Abuseendless arguingEveryone says I need to forgive but I cannot do itEverything I do is wrongEverything seems fine on the surface but deep down I’m unhappyExcessive apologies but continuing bad behaviorfear of an unhappy futureFeel so guilty about how I raised my childFeeling guilt all the timefeeling like you're stuck in the relationshipFeeling stuck with the emotional abuserFeeling trappedFill your own cupFinding inner strengthFocus on yourself after the breakupfooling you into feeling safeGaslightingGaslighting in my relationshipgetting clarity before divorceGetting lined up to make a big relationship decisionGetting trapped in the abusive relationshipGoing to their friends and family for supportGrooming for abuseHas the emotional abuser changed?He acts like nothing ever happened but it didHe says he feels bad but can he really changeHe says he loves me but then he leavesHe says men are supposed to be in chargeHealing after a breakupHealing after emotional abuseHealing after narcissistic abuseHealing Through Humilityhealing yourself from emotional abusehighly sensitive personHow can I convince my family and friends I'm being emotionally abused?How can I tell what's bad about the relationship?How come they abuse and don't leave?How do I know if I should give someone a second chance?How do I know if I'm abusive?How do I know if someone is acting badly?How do I know if they will become abusive?How do I know if we are compatible?How do I protect my children from their toxic parentHow do I protect myself from emotional abuse?How do I respond to criticism?How do I stop emotional abuse?How do I tell them they are being abusive?How emotional abuse destroys relationshipsHow manipulators thinkHow the emotional abuser keeps you busy defending yourselfHow to deal with adversity in your relationshiphow to explain emotional abuse to othershow to explain narcissism to friends and familyHow to get them to stopHow to get your confidence and courage back after a toxic relationshipHow to know if I'm the emotional abuserHow to leave the abusive relationshipHow to live with an addictHow to make a decision about staying in a relationshipHow to pick the right therapistHow to stop being controllingHow to stop being emotionally abusivehow to stop emotional abuseHow to stop trying to manipulate your partnerHow to tell if you are being emotionally abusedHow would I know if I am being emotionally abused?How would I know if my partner is emotionally abusive?how you get into bad relationshipsHurt people can choose not to hurt peopleHurt people hurt people but…husband cheating on meI am always feel like I lose every argumentI am being yelled at in my relationshipI am exhausted from trying to make my relationship workI am never good enough for herI am never good enough for himI am not happy in my relationship but my partner isI am so angry at myself for not leaving soonerI blame myself for what happened to meI can only take so much hurtful behaviorI can't go anywhere without them following meI can't trust my decisions anymoreI cannot describe the specific behaviors but I know something is wrongI cannot forgive the person who hurt meI cannot get away from the toxic behaviorI cannot leave because I will hurt them too muchI cannot leave even though I know I shouldI cannot leave someone who hurts meI cannot stop the lies being told to my childrenI can’t figure out why he won’t let goI can’t shake the feeling of being obsessed with themI can’t stop wishing my partner would see how much I’m hurtingI do not feel safe even though I leftI do not know if I should stay or leaveI do not know where to draw the line anymoreI don't feel like I can do anything rightI don't know if it's time to leave the relationshipI don’t know how to forgive myself for leavingI don’t know what’s real and what’s because of the abuseI don’t know who I am anymoreI feel anxious and drained after every conversation with my partnerI feel completely drainedI feel controlled and it’s exhaustingI feel crazy trying to explain what is happening in my relationshipI feel guilty about breaking up the familyI feel guilty about leaving someone who hurts meI feel guilty for being angry at my partner who used to abuse meI feel guilty for choosing myselfI feel guilty for not being able to forgiveI feel guilty for spending time with other peopleI feel like a shell of my former selfI feel like I am losing my mind in this relationshipI feel like I am not being listened toI feel like I have no power anymoreI feel like I wasted so many years on themI feel like I've lost my passion for lifeI feel like I’m always the problemI feel like I’m always waiting for the next good momentI feel like I’m losing myselfI feel like I’m losing myself in this relationshipI feel like I’m supporting my abuser instead of healing myselfI feel like I’m the problem in my relationshipI feel powerless in my relationship and don’t know how to change itI feel powerless with my partnerI feel so exposed and can’t get past itI feel so guilty for wanting to leaveI feel stuck but I’m not sure if I amI feel stuck hoping things will change but they never doI feel stuck waiting for them to be differentI feel stuck with someone toxicI feel trapped in endless conversations that aren’t really conversationsI feel trapped in my relationshipI feel trapped in this relationship but I do not know whyI feel used in my relationshipI feel worthless in this relationshipI hope things will get better but they never doI hurt people I loved and need to understand real changeI hurt someone I love and now they want to leaveI just want them to suffer after all they did to meI just want to be heard but my voice gets lostI keep changing but it’s never enoughI keep defending myselfI keep going back to someone who hurts meI keep hoping they will changeI keep hoping they will finally understand what they are doing to meI left but the abuse continuesI lost myself in the relationshipI lost myself in this relationshipI lost myself in this relationship and need to find me againI love someone who treats me badlyI love them but they hurt meI need them to be happy even though they hurt meI never win an argument with my partnerI share custody with someone who makes my life miserableI stay for financial security but feel unfulfilledI think about leaving but I’m scaredI think I am becoming abusive in my relationshipI think we are both toxic in this relationshipI threaten divorce during fights but do not mean itI told them to stop emotionally abusing mei tried to make my spouse happyI try hard to please my partner but they are never happyI used to be happy before I got into this relationshipI used to feel happy and now I don’tI want my partner to changeI want them to hurt now that they've stopped hurting meI want to believe they are better now but something feels offI want to break up but they don'tI want to divorce but they won't leaveI want to make them happy but nothing I do is ever enoughI want to understand why my partner acts this wayI was emotionally abusive and want to know if I can truly changeI wonder if my partner will ever changeI worry about what my ex says to our child when I am not thereI worry my kids will believe the manipulationI worry my leaving will destroy themI'm afraid of getting a divorceI'm afraid to leave my relationshipI'm too scared to leave my partneringratiating deflectionIs an emotional affair okay?Is it my fault they are hurting me?Is it my fault they're hurting me?Is it okay to cheat on the abuser?Is it possible to tell emotional abuse before it starts?Is it safe to share educational content on emotional abuse?Is it too late to leave the abuser?Is it unhealthy to love the abuser?Is the silent treatment emotional abuse?isolation in emotional abuseIt feels like I lost a part of myself to that personIt feels like I’m always the one trying to fix everythingI’m afraid to leave but I’m not happy hereI’m constantly questioning if I’m the abusive oneI’m making decisions out of fearI’m not happy but I still hope they’ll changeI’m stuck in a cycle of ups and downsI’m tired of being blamed for everythingI’m tired of feeling insignificant in my own relationshipI’m trying to heal but I’m still angryI’m unhappy but my partner thinks things are greatI’m waiting for a miracle that may never comeI’m walking on eggshells and it hurtsI’m working so hard on this relationship but nothing changesJudgement destroys relationshipsjudging your partnerKeep crawling back to the exkids of the narcissistic parentlearning to survive and thrive from verbal abuseLeaving feels like I am hurting my childrenLetting them back inLoving abusive peopleLoving the abusive partnerMaking me feel ashamedMaking me feel guiltymanipulative behavior while datingmanipulator talks endlesslyMy children are being manipulated by their other parentMy children repeat lies their other parent tells themMy ex is nice one day and cruel the nextMy ex is turning my kids against meMy ex keeps messaging me but I don’t want to respondMy ex says they have changed but I do not know if I believe themMy ex still controls me through our childMy ex uses our kids to hurt meMy ex was abusive and now wants me to apologizeMy family thinks I'm the emotional abuserMy feelings are not being validatedMy issues do not sound that bad when I tell people but I feel awful insideMy kids are starting to believe the narcissistMy partner always blames me for everythingMy partner and I keep triggering each otherMy partner apologized but it doesn’t feel genuineMy partner controls everything I doMy partner controls who I can be friends withMy partner convinced everyone that I am the bad guyMy partner dismisses my emotions and I feel worn downMy partner doesn’t see how much they hurt meMy partner fell out of love with meMy partner finally changed but now I am the angry oneMy partner is an addict and hurts meMy partner is being emotionally abusiveMy partner is emotionally needyMy partner is sometimes wonderful and sometimes cruelMy partner makes me feel like I’m the problemMy partner only listens when I threaten to leaveMy partner refuses to see how they hurt meMy partner says everything is fine but it’s notMy partner says they have changed but I do not know if I believe themMy partner says they’re changing but it doesn’t feel rightMy partner says they’ve changed but it doesn’t lastMy partner seems to think their behavior is justifiedMy partner tells me who I should beMy partner thinks everything is fine but I don’tMy partner threatens to leave but never doesMy partner treats me like I am inferiorMy partner uses my mistakes against me foreverMy partner uses our kids to make me stayMy partner wants me to cut off my friendsMy partner’s behavior doesn’t match the love they showMy partner’s words drain me but I don’t know how to make them stopMy relationship doesn’t feel lovingMy relationship doesn’t feel loving anymoreMy relationship feels like a rollercoasterMy relationship feels toxic but I can’t leaveMy relationship is not terrible but not good eitherMy relationship was great until the psychological abusemy spouse cheated on me and blamed meMy world keeps getting smaller in this relationshipnarcissistic abuse eats away at youNavigating emotional abusenever do anything rightnever good enoughnew relationship warning signsno matter how nice i amno one sees what I see about themNothing I do is good enoughNothing I do seems to be good enough for themOne-Sided Relationshipoverly emotionalPath to healthy relationshipsPath to RecoveryPeople think my partner is nice but they're notPhysical abuse started after emotional abusepretending in the relationshippublic humiliationreacting to facebook postsReactive abuseReciprocity MattersRecognizing emotional abuseReconnecting with yourself after emotional abusered flagsRegaining self-identityRelationship boundaries with their parentsReligious abuseResponding to emotionally abusive spouseReturning to the relationshipSays nice things but I still feel awfulSeeking freedom assertivelysees me suffer but still hurts meselfish people don't care about youselfish people take your powershamingSharing custody with the narcissistShe constantly puts me down and says it is normalShould I leave again?Should I leave my relationship once and for all?Should I leave my relationship?Should I leave the emotionally abusive person?Should I share what I learned about emotional abuse with my partner?Should I stay in an emotionally abusive relationship?Should I stay or leave the relationship?Should I stay with them even though they treat me badly?Should I talk about divorce when we are calm or during the argumentShould I tell my partner I'm leaving?Should I tell the abuser I'm leaving?sneaky emotional abusesomeone stealing my powerStop hurting those you lovestuck with a controlling partnerStuck with the emotional abuser foreversuicidesuspect my spouseTaking a breakTaking a break in the relationshipThe abuse continues after the relationship endedThe breaking pointThe silent treatmentThe smear campaign in emotionally abusive relationshipsThe thought process behind manipulationThe transition from happy to abusedThey apologized but their behavior feels the sameThey are always irritated with meThey are never happyThey are so clingy and I have no me timeThey are so hurtful because of their addictionThey came back apologizing and I am confused about what to doThey can ruin happinessThey convince me to stay in the relationshipThey do not care if I am hurt or upsetThey keep hurting me but nothing changesThey keep hurting me the same wayThey keep promising to be different this timeThey leave and get into another relationship fastThey need me but the relationship is killing meThey say I am a bad parent for wanting to leaveThey say its me or my familyThey say they love me but I don’t feel acceptedThey say they love me but I feel hurtThey say they love me but keep hurting meThey say they will change but nothing ever changesThey still care about me but say they are not in love anymoreThey will not stop even though we are separatedThey're always frustrated when we talkthreaten to kill themselvesToo many attachments to leavetoo sensitiveToo vulnerable to be realTransforming abusive behaviorTrauma bondTrauma bond challengestrauma bondingtraumatic bondingtry harder and harderturning facts into liesUnreciprocated KindnessUsing religion to control youwants to control everything i dowarning signs of emotional abuse while datingWe both hurt each other and I want to fix itWe broke up and now I feel guiltyWe function together but I am not happywearing you down with lectureWhat am I doing wrong in my relationship?What are the signs of emotional abuse when dating?What are the signs of emotional abuse?What did I do wrong?What happens if they don't stop being abusive?What if I don't know which decision is best?What if my partner is manipulative?What if they won't stop emotionally abusing me?What is acceptable behavior and what is not?What is breadcrumbing?What is crazymaking?What is emotional abuse?What is gaslighting?What is reactive abuse?What makes a couple compatible with each other?What should I do if my ex won't stop stalking me?What will people say when I divorce?What you will and won't acceptWhen boundaries don't workWhen is the right time to leave an abusive person?When people use their depression to make you feel badWhen social media makes you angryWhen someone tries to make you feel badWhen someone uses your beliefs against youWhen the abuser apologizesWhen the emotional abuser stops abusingwhen they blame their traumaWhen they stop hurting youWhen will they stop drinking?When you want your ex to stay awayWhen you're constantly defending yourselfWhen your heart closesWhich one of us is the emotional abuser?Who are you when the emotional abuse stops?Who you become in the abusive relationshipWhose fault is the cheating?Why are they so defensive?Why can't they just treat me nice?Why did I stay in that relationship for so longWhy do I feel so guilty for leaving my partner?Why do I have to constantly explain myself?Why do I keep going back to someone who treats me badlyWhy do you have to forgive others?Why does he still try to keep me in his life?Why does my partner continue to emotionally abuse me?Why don't abusive people leave the relationship?Why is my partner so hurtful toward me?Why won't they leave?Why won't they stop hurting me?why you keep getting into abusive relationshipswife is emotionally abusiveWill I ever be able to return to an emotionally abusive person?Will there be love again after emotional abuse?Will they stop hurting me?Won't stop hurting meWorking with personal boundaries in the emotionally abusive relationshipYears of emotional abuse and now I want them to suffer

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Is he right about me being the abuser?

This is an answer to a question I received from a woman who is being convinced by her partner that she is the […]

September 18, 2026

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The kids in between the breakup with the toxic, manipulative partner

When you’ve realized enough is enough, but you’re afraid that the kids will get a boatload of abusive behavior from a soon-to-be ex, […]

September 17, 2026

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It’s me or them: When someone wants to control your relationship with others

Controlling behavior shows up in many forms, but one of the most insidious is when someone demands that you distance yourself from the […]

September 7, 2026

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When Leaving Means Being Called a Bad Parent

The accusation cuts deep. When you finally decide that staying in an abusive relationship isn’t sustainable anymore, someone tells you that leaving makes […]

August 24, 2026

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I don’t want to hurt the person who hurts me by leaving them

Your heart is big. And your kindness and compassion, though amazing qualities, can also keep you in situations that are unhealthy for you. […]

July 12, 2026

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The feeling that you lost a big chunk of your life to the abusive person

Looking back at a relationship and seeing years or even decades that feel like a void is one of the most painful experiences […]

July 9, 2026

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Leaving an abusive person isn’t easy, and sometimes isn’t over

When you leave an emotionally abusive relationship, you might think the hardest part is behind you. You made the decision, you got out, […]

June 19, 2026

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The trauma bond keeps you lovesick and broken

A trauma bond is like being addicted to both the highs and lows, just waiting for your next fix. It’s not impossible to […]

June 17, 2026

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Can you still like someone who hurt you, but not love them?

One of the most confusing situations in relationships happens when emotional abuse has damaged the bond so deeply that love disappears, but care […]

June 11, 2026

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Are your children being manipulated, too?

Watching your child mirror a narcissistic parent feels like you’re losing ground. Arguing with the lies they’re being told feels pointless. What can […]

June 6, 2026

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Is just functioning together good enough?

Relationships can survive even when things are bad, but what about when things are never good but just functional? Is just functioning together […]

May 13, 2026

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If you don’t draw the line on how much is too much, you won’t have a line

How much hurtful, controlling, and manipulative behavior is too much? Is there a breaking point where you have no choice but to make […]

May 12, 2026

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How does an abusive person become an abusive person?

Understanding how someone becomes emotionally abusive isn’t about excusing their behavior. It’s about recognizing the patterns that create it so you can see […]

May 7, 2026

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Do mutually abusive relationships have a chance?

Sometimes, both people in the relationship are hurtful, controlling, and manipulative. When that’s the case, it’s going to take more than one person […]

May 7, 2026

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Getting conned into taking an unhealed abuser back

They’ve changed! At least, they seem to have changed. They act like a new person, so this must be for real, right? So […]

May 6, 2026

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The podcasts, books, and workbook have been so helpful in my healing process. I am still learning from, working with them and share at every appropriate opportunity… I can live a life now.”
-J.L.

*All content on this site and in the podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Always seek the advice of a medical or psychological professional before making any changes that could affect your physical or mental health.