When you’re in it, you can’t always see it clearly. You might wonder if what you’re experiencing is normal relationship stuff or something worse. You might question yourself constantly, thinking maybe you’re too sensitive or overreacting. That confusion itself is often a sign that something isn’t right.
The clearest indicator is how you feel most of the time. If you’re walking on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing because you know it will trigger an explosion or the silent treatment, that’s a red flag.
If you find yourself rehearsing conversations in your head, trying to predict every possible reaction so you can avoid conflict, you’re living in a state of hypervigilance that shouldn’t exist in a healthy relationship.
Look at what happens when you try to express yourself. Do they listen and try to understand, or do they turn everything around on you? Do your concerns get dismissed, minimized, or twisted into reasons why you’re the problem? If every attempt to talk about your feelings ends with you apologizing for bringing it up, something is very wrong.
Notice how you feel about yourself now compared to when the relationship started. Has your confidence eroded? Do you second-guess decisions you used to make easily?
If you’ve started believing you’re incompetent, crazy, or unworthy of respect, consider where those beliefs came from. Emotionally abusive people chip away at your self-esteem so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until you barely recognize yourself.
Pay attention to isolation, too. Have you pulled away from friends and family because it’s easier than explaining your relationship or dealing with the aftermath of spending time with them? Do they criticize the people you care about or make you feel guilty for having a life outside the relationship? Isolation is a control tactic that keeps you dependent and without outside perspective.
The truth is, if you’re asking the question, you probably already know the answer. People in healthy relationships don’t constantly wonder if they’re being abused. They don’t spend hours searching for articles like this one, hoping to find proof that what they’re experiencing isn’t normal.
Trust what you feel.
Trust the knot in your stomach.
Trust the exhaustion that comes from constantly managing someone else’s emotions.
Trust the voice inside that says this isn’t how love is supposed to feel.
You don’t need permission to acknowledge what’s happening. You don’t need to wait until it gets worse or until you have enough evidence. If the relationship makes you feel small, scared, or like you’re losing yourself, that’s enough.
This article is for educational purposes. Pick your battles wisely and use The M.E.A.N. Workbook to assess your relationship.
Suggested listening:
https://loveandabuse.com/are-you-the-manipulative-one/
https://loveandabuse.com/how-you-describe-the-challenges-in-your-relationship-can-reveal-if-youre-being-emotionally-abused/
