When someone makes jokes at your expense, especially in front of other people, it creates a specific kind of hurt that’s hard to describe. You’re supposed to laugh along, to show you can take a joke, to prove you’re not too sensitive. But inside, you feel diminished. You feel exposed. You feel like the punchline instead of the partner.
What makes this so painful is that jokes give the person making them complete deniability. If you say something hurt you, they can immediately respond with “I was just joking” or “you need to lighten up.” Suddenly, you’re the problem for not having a sense of humor, not them for saying something hurtful.
People who make jokes at your expense get to hurt you and then make you feel bad for being hurt.
These kinds of jokes often target things you’re already sensitive about. Maybe it’s your weight, your job, your family, or something you shared in confidence. They know it bothers you, and that’s exactly why they use it as material. They might say they’re just teasing, but teasing should be playful and mutual. This isn’t that. This is using your vulnerabilities as entertainment.
When this happens in front of others, it’s even worse. You’re put in a position where you have to choose between defending yourself and looking like you can’t take a joke, or staying quiet and letting everyone laugh at you.
Either way, you lose! If you speak up, you’re too sensitive. If you don’t, the behavior continues, and everyone assumes you’re okay with it.
Pay attention to how you feel after these jokes. Do you feel closer to them, or do you feel smaller? Do you feel loved, or do you feel like a target?
Healthy humor in a relationship brings people together. It doesn’t tear one person down to make the other feel clever or powerful. If their jokes consistently make you feel bad about yourself, that’s not humor. That’s cruelty disguised as entertainment.
Also, notice if the jokes ever go the other way. Can you make jokes about them? Or does that lead to their defensiveness and anger? If they can dish it out but can’t take it, that tells you everything. They want the freedom to hurt you without experiencing any of that hurt themselves. That’s not playful. That’s a power dynamic.
Some people will say they’re just trying to keep things light, that you’re taking everything too seriously. But you know the difference between laughing with someone and being laughed at. You know when something is meant to connect and when it’s meant to cut.
Trust that feeling. If their jokes make you feel small, that’s information. That’s your internal compass telling you that something isn’t right.
You deserve to be with someone who builds you up, not someone who uses you as material for their own amusement. You deserve to feel safe, not like you’re constantly bracing for the next jab. Humor should add to a relationship, not subtract from your sense of worth.
Suggested listening:
https://loveandabuse.com/should-you-give-in-to-their-perception-of-you/
