When you say something feels wrong, and they tell you you’re overreacting, you start to wonder if maybe you are.
That’s the goal.
They want you second-guessing yourself. But why? The reason is simple (and sad):
A person who trusts their own instincts is harder to control.
When you doubt what you feel, you stop acting on it. You stop setting boundaries. You stop calling out behavior that hurts you. And that makes their life easier.
Your gut isn’t broken. It’s picking up on something real.
Maybe they’re dismissive when you bring up a concern, or they twist your words until you’re defending yourself instead of addressing the original issue. Maybe they sigh heavily, roll their eyes, or act like you’re being dramatic for simply naming what happened.
These aren’t accidents. When someone makes you feel ridiculous for trusting yourself, it’s because your clarity threatens their control. They need you confused. And confusion keeps you compliant.
You could try telling them, “When I bring up something that bothers me, you make me feel like I’m imagining it. That’s not okay.”
In a healthy relationship, that statement gets heard. It opens a dialogue. The other person might not agree with your perspective right away, but they’ll sit with it. They’ll ask questions. And they’ll care that you feel dismissed.
In a toxic relationship, however, telling them that it’s not okay that they are making you feel like you are imagining things will get responses like, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re always so dramatic.” Or they’ll bring up something you did weeks ago to deflect. Maybe they’ll even accuse you of starting a fight when all you did was express a feeling.
If the situation feels unsafe, you don’t owe them that conversation. Protecting yourself isn’t avoidance. It’s sometimes the only way to survive until you have a plan and some extra support.
Real accountability doesn’t look like a quick apology followed by the same behavior three days later. It’s consistent action. It’s them taking responsibility without making you feel guilty for bringing it up in the first place. It’s also them working to understand why you feel the way you do instead of convincing you that you shouldn’t.
Most emotionally abusive people won’t do that. They see your lack of compliance as the problem, not their behavior. To them, the issue isn’t that they hurt you, it’s that you won’t stop talking about it.
You’re not asking for perfection. You’re asking for basic respect and kindness! It’s okay to want to be heard without being made to feel like you’re losing your mind. Those are reasonable requests.
If someone consistently makes you question your own perception of reality, that’s manipulation. And the longer it goes on, the harder it becomes to trust yourself at all.
Your instincts exist for a reason. They’re trying to protect you. When someone works this hard to convince you you’re wrong, it’s because they know you’re right.
So when your gut tells you something’s off and your partner makes you feel crazy for listening to it, trust your feelings, not the person invalidating them.
This article is for educational purposes. Pick your battles wisely and use The M.E.A.N. Workbook to pinpoint all the abusive behaviors in your relationship.