You’re probably reading this because you’ve asked yourself this question more times than you can count. The answer feels impossible to find because every time you think you’ve decided, something shifts:
They apologize.
They promise to change.
Or maybe you just feel guilty for even considering leaving.
This is the question that keeps you up at night, and it’s the one that deserves an honest answer. But what makes it so difficult is that you’re trying to make a clear decision while living in fog.
When you’re in an emotionally abusive or controlling relationship, your ability to think clearly gets compromised. The constant criticism, the guilt trips, the blame. All of it clouds your judgment and makes you doubt what you know to be true.
So before you can answer whether to stay or leave, you need to get honest about what’s actually happening, not what you hope will happen, not what they promised would happen. What is happening right now, today, in your relationship?
And when you’ve come to a conclusion, ask yourself the following:
“If I knew for a fact that nothing would never, ever change, what would I do then?”
That question cuts through the fog. It removes hope from the equation. And hope in this type of situation is often what keeps people stuck.
You might hold on to:
Hope that they’ll finally see how much they’re hurting you.
Hope that the good times will come back and stay.
Hope that your love will be enough to change them.
If you’ve been hoping for change for months or years and nothing has shifted, you have your evidence of what the future will be like as well.
Should you stay or go? Are you staying because you want to, or because you’re afraid of what will happen if you leave?
Do you have a fear of being alone? Or a fear of financial instability? Do you fear their reaction? Maybe you fear the unknown. These are all real fears, but they should not be the foundation of your decision.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and valued. You deserve to be with someone who treats your feelings as important. You deserve to stop walking on eggshells and wondering if today will be a good day or a bad day.
The decision to stay or leave is yours alone. I wish I could guide you, but only you know your situation best.
When you do come to a conclusion about what to do next, choose from a place of clarity, not confusion. Choose based on what is, not what you wish could be.
And always remember that you are worthy of so much more than what you’ve been settling for.
This article is for educational purposes. Pick your battles wisely and use The M.E.A.N. Workbook to assess your relationship.
Suggested listening:
https://loveandabuse.com/six-reasons-you-may-feel-guilty-about-leaving-an-emotionally-abusive-person/
https://loveandabuse.com/dont-let-emotional-abuse-take-your-decisions-away/
