When you bring up something that bothers you and it never seems to get resolved, you might start to believe that you’re the problem. You might think you’re not explaining yourself well enough or that you’re being too sensitive.
Someone who cares about you and wants the relationship to work will want to resolve issues with you.
They’ll want to talk things through because they don’t want you to feel bad. They’ll want you to be happy!
If nothing ever gets resolved, it’s because the other person doesn’t want to resolve it. They benefit from keeping things unresolved. And when issues stay unresolved, you stay in a lowered state:
You feel bad about yourself.
You question yourself.
You might even blame yourself for not being able to communicate better or for being too demanding.
This is exactly where they want you to be, unfortunately.
When you’re focused on yourself and what you’re doing wrong, you’re not focused on what they’re doing wrong. And they don’t want to be held accountable. As long as you’re focused on yourself, you’re not asking them to change and you’re too busy trying to fix yourself to notice that they’re the one causing the problem.
Unresolved issues keep you powerless. They keep you stuck. They keep you believing that if you just tried harder or said things differently, maybe then they’d understand and maybe then things would change. But the truth is, they understand perfectly. They just don’t care to resolve it because the current situation works for them.
Think about it this way: If you had a friend who came to you upset about something you did, would you want to make them feel better? Would you want to understand what happened and work it out?
Of course you would, because you care about them. That’s what people do when they care about each other. Someone who loves you doesn’t want you to suffer. They don’t want you to feel unheard or dismissed. They don’t want to leave you hanging with unresolved pain. They want to work through it with you because your happiness matters to them.
If your concerns are constantly dismissed, minimized, or turned around on you, that’s not a communication problem. That’s a respect problem. That’s a care problem. And no amount of better communication on your part is going to fix someone who doesn’t want things to be fixed.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to have your concerns taken seriously.
You deserve someone who wants to resolve issues with you, not someone who benefits from keeping you confused and questioning yourself.
When nothing ever gets resolved, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because they’re choosing not to resolve it.
Suggested listening:
https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/when-you-desperately-want-an-explanation-or-closure-but-you-cant-get-it/
