Feeling exhausted from trying to make your relationship work is a sign that something is deeply wrong. In a healthy relationship, both people put in effort. The work feels shared. You’re not carrying the entire weight of keeping things together on your own.
When you’re the only one trying, when you’re the only one compromising, when you’re the only one apologizing and changing and bending over backward to make things better, that’s not a relationship. That’s you doing all the work while the other person benefits from your exhaustion.
This kind of exhaustion isn’t just about being tired. It’s a bone-deep weariness that comes from giving and giving without receiving anything in return. You’ve probably tried everything you can think of. You’ve read articles, listened to advice, changed your approach, worked on yourself, and bent yourself into shapes you didn’t know were possible. And still, nothing changes. Or if it does change, it only lasts a few days before you’re right back where you started.
The exhaustion comes from hoping. Every time you try something new, you hope this will be the thing that finally works:
“This will be the moment they see how much I care.”
“This will be when they decide to meet me halfway.”
But that moment never comes. Hope followed by disappointment, over and over again, is draining in a way that few things are.
What makes it worse is that the person you’re trying so hard for often doesn’t even acknowledge your effort. They might criticize you for not doing enough. They might tell you that if you really cared, you’d try harder. They might act like your exhaustion is a personal failing instead of a natural response to being the only one working on the relationship.
You can’t make a relationship work by yourself. It takes two people who both want it to work and are both willing to put in the effort. If you’re exhausted, it’s probably because you’ve been doing the job of two people for far too long.
The truth is, you shouldn’t have to work this hard just to feel loved and respected. You shouldn’t have to earn basic kindness and consideration. Those things should be freely given in a healthy relationship. When you have to fight for scraps of affection or beg someone to treat you decently, that’s not love. That’s survival.
Your exhaustion is telling you something important. It’s telling you that what you’re doing isn’t sustainable. It’s telling you that you deserve better than this. Listen to it.
Here is a helpful episode of Love and Abuse that explores this more:
How many times does someone have to hurt you before you decide enough is enough?